


The Mysterious Case of the Not So Relaxing Weekend

by kanoitrace



Series: Tumblr Fic [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Female Dean Winchester, Humor, M/M, Prank Wars, Twink Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanoitrace/pseuds/kanoitrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Free will just wants a relaxing weekend after a successful hunt. Unfortunately, Zachariah and Gabriel have other plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mysterious Case of the Not So Relaxing Weekend

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from PharoComics: Zachariah and Gabriel have a contest for who can prank and drive insane the Destiel pairing the most. Dean and Cas just want to have a relaxing weekend together. The hell can they not be left alone?!
> 
> This is complete crack, which I have never claimed is my forte, so... hopefully it is enjoyable all the same.

"I will admit, the plane thing was pretty good!" Gabriel conceded, though his speech was slightly garbled due to the sucker in his mouth.

"That was not the intended result.." Despite Zachariah's consternated tone, however, he looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

Gabe let out a bark of laughter. "All the better!"

Zachariah's grin just grew larger.

Gabe sobered up quickly, leaning forward into Zachariah's personal space. He pulled the sucker from his mouth and grinned dangerously. "Bet I can do better, though."

Zachariah got a challenging glint in his eye. "We'll see about that."

* * *

It was  **supposed to be** a relaxing weekend. They'd finished the hunt in record time, so, for once, they figured they'd take a well-deserved break from monster-chasing and apocalypse-stopping. Bear in mind the operative phrase here- "supposed to be."

They were in a small town that still seemed to have plenty of things to do, things that would cater to all three men's interests. Well, more two of the men's interests, as the angel among them didn't actually seem to have many interests besides Dean. Dean seemed wholly okay with that, but Sam insisted that the two were not allowed to stay in the motel room the whole weekend just to paw at each other. In the end, they "compromised" that Dean and Cas would "sleep in" and then Dean would show Cas some perks of being human (it wasn't exactly a compromise considering Sam's only other choice was bearing witness to his brother sucking face with a freaking angel of the Lord).

So it was all  **supposed to be** perfectly normal and relaxing. Only that it wasn't. They'd chalked it up to bad luck and coincidence, at first. That was when it was simple things like their row boat capsizing (the "romantic boat ride" thing had been all Sammy's idea, and Cas had lit up like Christmas at the notion, making it impossible for Dean to actually say no) or the big, burly guy at the bar propositioning Castiel (Dean totally  **wasn't** jealous, he was just defending Cas's honor because the angel totally needed him to do that. Totally. After all, Cas didn't fully understand human interaction, so it wasn't jealousy that prompted him to punch the guy... and then end up with his own black eye while Cas was the one who ended up twisting the guy's arm until he cried uncle... This argument was starting to seem weak) or even when Cas somehow got white girl wasted after only two or three beers (hell! That had been good luck! Unless you asked Sam, who had had to spend the night in the Impala).

No. It didn't necessarily seem like anything supernatural at all until Dean woke up faced with a Castiel in the body of a seventeen-year-old Jimmy Novak. And hell, he wasn't exactly complaining because the guy had apparently been even more of a looker in his youth ("Dean Winchester, you are not a dirty old man" became his new internal mantra), but it certainly wasn't  **normal**.

Sam's first thought was witches (Dean's first thought was  _Holy shit, my boyfriend is a twink. I wonder if he has the stamina of one... Dean Winchester, you are not a dirty old man!_ ), but it seemed unlikely. They'd come through town on a ghost hunt, and that had gone incredibly well. Sam was knee deep in researching it while Dean claimed to be helping (Cas somehow doubted repeated rounds of sexual intercourse necessarily counted as helping, but he wasn't complaining. Though the perks of his younger vessel having more vitality seemed to suddenly not be so much perks as pains in the ass when his stamina outlasted Dean's. That is until Dean had let him top. That seemed to work out well). By the evening, the spell/curse/whatever apparently wore off though (which Dean was perfectly fine with because while it had been fun while it lasted, he wasn't sure his heart could take much more). Sam was just glad he had the option of moving back into the room (though he was terribly leery of all surfaces).

Their relaxing weekend seemed to be turning more into a three ring surface (which was never more true than in the instance a fucking monkey popped out of no where and stole Sam's ice cream cone).

("What? Don't give me that look, Zach. A man's gotta eat."

"...")

(Promptly after that, a fucking bird stole Dean's goddamn cheeseburger!)

They went to bed Sunday night never more ready to leave the zany town that apparently had suffered an unannounced zoo escape.

Unfortunately, the next morning fared no better.

Dean glared at his brother and boyfriend who were both staring at him in shock (well, it was more just Sam that was staring in shock. Cas just looked terribly critical... or confused. It was hard to tell some days). "What!?" he snapped, really not in the mood for whatever was running through their minds. He felt off this morning, and it felt like his clothes had stretched in the middle of the night. He was just ready to get away from whatever bullshit was in this place.

"Dean... You... you should probably look in the mirror."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Sammy! Just tell me!"

Sam's face turned an awkward hue of... well, it was honestly somewhere between looking ashen and blushing.

Cas's brow just furrowed more.

"Jesus Christ! What!"

Cas stared at him dead on, eerily calm. "It would appear you have woken up as a women."

If life were a cartoon (which he wasn't completely convinced it wasn't by this point), Dean's pretty sure his eyes would have popped out of their sockets.

"What!?" he shouted, bolting out of the bed and into the bathroom. The scream that followed had both of the other men (or did they count as the only men now?) wincing.

Sure enough, the reflection that stared back at Dean was 100% female, all slender arms and long hair (how did he not notice the hair?). Worst of all, though, he didn't even have large breasts. Nope. He was simply just this side of an A-cup. Shock was quickly fading into morbid curiosity though, and as he was just about to take a peek under his clothes, Sam chose that exact moment to walk in.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"Damn it, Sammy! Can't a man look at his vagina in peace!?"

"SERIOUSLY DEAN!?"

A sibling squabble broke out in the bathroom, that ended with Sam physically hauling Dean back into the room proper ("Don't you know better than to hit a girl, Sam!?" "You aren't a real girl, **Deanna**!").

When they finally got back into the room, they found Cas staring at the ceiling, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Dean struggled and slapped at Sam until his (her?) damn moose of a brother let go. Then he took a step towards the angel. "What's up, Cas?"

Castiel didn't spare Dean a glance, continuing to watch the ceiling as though it had personally offended him. "I think we aren't dealing with a witch."

Dean stared in confusion, completely over life by this point. "Then what the hell is it?":

Sam gasped behind him, as though he'd just solved some Scooby Doo type mystery. "Does that mean...?"

Castiel nodded gravely.

Dean glared at both of them, still feeling completely in the dark and hating every moment of it. Finally, he snapped, "Then what the hell is it!?"

"Angels," casually said a voice that did not belong to any of them.

They all whipped around to spot none other than Gabriel.

"You son of a-" Dean growled out, ready to lunge at the trickster/pagan god/arch angel, but Cas held him back.

Sam took to glaring at the other angel, which was met with a saucy wink. Sam growled out, "Change my brother back."

Gabriel shrugged casually. "Would that I could, my dear moose friend. But I can't, so I shan't"

The Winchesters were starting to turn a little red in the face, probably from holding in murderous intent.

Castiel, in the interest of his brother's safety, asked, "Then who did it?"

Gabriel just smirked casually, and then with a snap of his fingers Zachariah appeared.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" was Dean's rageful shout, while at the same time Sam cried out, "WHAT THE HELL!?"

Castiel simply glared at the both of them. "Change him back."

Zachariah smirked. "Not until Gabriel admits he lost."

Gabe snorted. "As if, man. I totally have not lost yet."

"Yet!?" the Winchesters cried.

Castiel glared harder.

"So that means you guys were behind this whole weekend?" Sam asked, flabbergasted.

Gabriel and Zachariah shrugged noncommittally.

Castiel took a step forward. "Gabriel, you will admit defeat, and you," he directed his glare at Zachariah, "will change him back."

Gabriel howled with laughter, while Zachaiah just smiled and shook his head disbelievingly.

"What on Dad's green earth would make you think I'd do that, little brother?" Gabriel asked in amusement.

"This," Castiel said before snapping his own fingers (just for emphasis, of course) and turning the sucker in Gabriel's hand into a carrot.

Gabriel squawked in horror.

"And I will keep doing that until you change your mind," Cas promised.

"You wouldn't dare!" Gabe cried out.

"I would. Just imagine, suckers to carrots, cake to celery,  **cookies to kale**."

Gabriel looked as though he may cry the more things Castiel listed, while Castiel seemed to be enjoying his torture far too much.

"Fine, fine! I quit! Zach wins! Now change it back!" Gabriel cried out.

Castiel nodded, and then the carrot turned back into a sucker (Gabriel looked as though he may cry in relief). Then he turned to looked at Zachariah expectantly.

"Oh fine, ruin a guy's fun," Zachariah sighed out with a roll of his eyes.

Dean was a man again, and he'd never felt better to feel his junk in his boxers (though he tried not to be too disappointed that he never got to check out what he had going on under the hood as a lady).

He also resisted the urge to ask which one of them had turned Cas into a seventeen-year-old (and the subsequent request that could it maybe be done on a regular basis?).


End file.
